commencing 2 december 2024
when will i rest? i still don't know, actually!
have you ever done something that threw you massively out of whack to avoid disappointing someone else, only to massively regret it? that’s me this week. this week fucked me up. this week, i say ‘never again!’. yeesh. maybe someday i’ll learn.
got my left shoulder tattooed, thus completing the outline portion of my sleeves - the project will have taken me the best part of 3 years because i am a wimp for pain.
checked what lush’s supermilk (the community drop perfume, not the hair product) smells like. underwhelming. guess i’ll be sticking to shade.
had a meeting with a celebrant - my 30th birthday is approaching, and i’m looking to have a funeral for my twenties, or a celebration of life so far. and i’ve realised i actually don’t want to do the bulk of the work myself, so am looking at hiring someone to handle the vibes.
chaired a girls rock! london trustee meeting
since i was getting my left shoulder done, this jumpsuit was perfectly suited to my activities. i saw it on a DJ who was doing a my analogue journal set and was obsessed, thought about it for a couple of years and spent £30 on it on vinted this year (which is a higher amount than my shopping sensibilities normally allow for, but i think it’s pretty special. it was delivered to the wrong building but i made will swipe it from their doorstep before anything went badly wrong.
jumpsuit + trainers - adidas (secondhand) / earrings - bohomoon
went to see my trainer - i go every so often to check my form and reset some gym goals and my plan to work towards them. i’m working towards benching my own bodyweight.
helped at the local food bank for an hour - they had a couple of massive vans full of produce to sort through in not very much time
because i have no chill, i called a specialist about getting botox. i always swore i’d get botox when i turned 30. do i need it? no. will i be getting it? no. will i be 50 with a facelift? certainly. jane fonda has had two and she looks sublime.
went to my choir rehearsal - the christmas show is next tuesday and i have made, like, 3 rehearsals this entire term, so i honestly dunno if i’ll perform.
had a conversation with the decolonise fest team about organisational methodology. i’ve been reworking our admin and decision making processes in this fallow period.
skipped the GR!L christmas party. this was a rehearsal/meeting/party triple whammy and i have no one to thank for it but myself.
cardigan - shein / trousers - gustav leather / loafers - guess (all secondhand)
another wednesday, another studio fit. i bought sweatpants this season for the first time in a long time and it sort of changed my life. now i look cool going to the gym and also can look stylish and lazy at the same time. putting them on on a day i don’t have plans almost guarantees i won’t get shit done. i guess i won’t have these for a lot of december.
had therapy. i don’t think i really like my therapist very much. she is very CBT and i do not get along with that. she says it’s ACT but i’m not sure i see a difference.
had a hindi class - i have a bunch in the run-up to our india trip, because i assume i will not be having hindi classes while i’m in india and need to use up my preply credits.
helped out at the pottery studio - was a reasonably quiet day, but i’m refraining on starting new pieces because i only have one week left and it’s not enough time to get organised about it.
went to my pottery class. i started being a bit more organised this week and went in with a plan that mostly went okay. i ate ahead. i got my supplies ready and took 3 minutes of deep breaths. i put in earplugs and threw for about 1.5 hours and set an alarm to start trimming and glazing. i got everything done and left early.
i sat through the last half of my D&D game. i’ve been getting home late because of pottery.
tracksuit - zara / shoes - vans (all secondhand)
i have been confronted with the utterly rancid paradigm of getting two 6AM flights in a row - to and from glasgow. i am seeing my cousin graduate. this also means it’s another week i wear the same fit twice, because i didn’t want to pack extra clothes so early in the morning.
seeing urvi graduate was very cute, but also, graduations are boring and i watched 217 other people i’ve never met graduate, and then i ate a giant panini and crashed out for a bit. it was nice to see her and my mami, we walked around the kelvingrove gallery, went to a very nice seafood restaurant for dinner, and i took a nap and it got really dark really early and i holed up in the hotel room after. overall, this is a lesson to me in taking care of myself. i should not have done this trip - it dysregulated me a lot, i wasn’t able to eat properly or do my skincare, i have a long haul flight next week, and i was quiet because of how little sleep i got. my deviation from bulletpoints is, in literary analytical terms, demonstrating my out of sorts-ness.
dress - custom / boots - topshop (secondhand)
this was my second 6AM flight in a row. the seafood disagreed with me a little, most unfortunately, so i felt grotesque. i literally rolled out of bed in sweatpants, washed my face and got on that plane in my massive coat. i am so sick of these thigh high boots. they are great but they should not be your only shoe option. finally got to my dad’s house after him yelling at me down the phone about the parking prices at luton and did some work (sorry i’m not talking about work here, this is a work-free zone) and had a truly revitalising shower. access to familiar skincare! access to something that wasn’t the same dress i’ve been wearing for 28 hours! the joy!
i have got to get better at travelling. i feel like right now i find it very difficult to settle into. i am very aware of every single wound on my body (and i have eczema, so there are quite a lot of them - 14, if i’m counting correctly, don’t at me, i know both that it’s quite a high amount and that it’s crazy to keep a count like that). i borrowed my cousin’s jeans for the day because for some reason my mom has trashed all the non-indian clothes that i keep at their house so i had no pants of my own to wear. this is a sweater my grandma made me before she passed away. i don’t wear these much because i’d like them to last my whole life.
i took my cousin shopping, then did an aspen rising leaders seminar where we analysed literature for leadership messaging. i honestly find it quite interesting. it is the sort of thing you’d think might be dull, until you do it and get to think about your own ways of being. then came home to have our inaugural annual watch of the muppets christmas carol with my friend tanvi, who has not seen it before. she enjoyed it very much, and brought s’mores into my house, for which i was very grateful.
jeans - levi’s (borrowed) / sweater - custom (made by my grandma)
went to the gym, thank god for some form of self care in this week where i threw my own mental health under the bus
hosted my family for post-lunch. lunch itself was nice, but post-lunch lasted four hours because my dad parked next to my house and didn’t want to pay congestion charge. which i can understand, but also, gosh, i just wanted to read a book.
took my cousin to fortnum & mason’s to get her partner some treats. bit my lip to avoid melting down, as it was so rammed there were literally queues to get in. listened to my cousin talk about how she doesn’t like london after going to the busiest, most touristy part at the busiest, most touristy time of the year.
my pal jacob came over to collect a jacket my tailor made for his mom. fortunately somebody i can unmask around, we had a mutual meme scroll and then watched half of collateral before he headed home.
i think these pants might give me eczema on my hips. i got them made during a stressful period and so have only really had them in times that my skin has been a little sideways anyway. but they are really cool pants. my tailor, kelsang, made them for me out of tweed for me to live out my little kim kitsuragi dreams.
turtleneck - ralph lauren (secondhand) / boots - puma / pants - custom
had a hindi lesson. again. i think she’s tired of seeing me.
went to a roast dinner with some pals.
hit up the satanic christmas market - our friend flynn is tabling after many applications to do so.
went bowling and got a spanish meal with the other staff at my pottery studio.
overall a nice day full of things i like at roughly the pace i wanted. i skipped the gym because i have been to the gym four times this week, but still wanted to be warm and comfy.
pinstripe trousers - monki / hoodie - juicy couture x UO / turtleneck - no brand / shoes - vans (all secondhand)
i am nervous to go to india next week, because it’s been an expensive trip and i’m worried something will go wrong. but also, i desperately need to get out of this country and away from my own inability to go without plans for five minutes. bye!